What is it like to be a Beautiful Woman?

14Nov08

halle_berryDo beautiful women even know if they are beautiful?  I have never known a girl to call herself beautiful, but I have also seen how quickly women are brought down if they so much as imply they are attractive (unlike people who call themselves rich or smart.)  Simply stated, there is so much of animosity directed towards beautiful women from men who “want” them and women who want to be them that most beautiful women will act like they don’t know how pretty they are.  But, even if they don’t admit it, I’m sure most of them know they’re beautiful – especially the intelligent ones.  Perhaps they see all their flaws and the tiny things they’d like to improve, but they are also not ignorant of the effect they have on people around them.  

So what’s it like to be one of them?  If I had to guess a one word answer, I’d say lonely.  From what I’ve seen, someone feels loved when another person appreciates all the things that they value about themselves. Deep down, beautiful women don’t identify as beautiful – they are not born beautiful, most of them will not die that way, and they spend far less time looking at themselves than other people spend looking at them.  Beautiful women identify as artists, mothers, and friends – as playful, funny or intelligent, and no matter how much someone appreciates them for their beauty their appreciation will always feel hollow because beautiful women don’t see themselves the same way.  They may know they are beautiful, but most of them will not define themselves by it.

The other problem beautiful women have, is that in our society it’s frowned upon to barter your beauty like you would barter anything else.  Wealth is obviously traded for goods, but even intelligence, natural physical talents and learned skills are regularly traded.  A smart man who wanted an intelligent wife would seem natural, and no one would think less of a doctor who wanted to marry another doctor, but a beautiful woman who insisted upon an attractive (or rich) husband would be seen as superficial.  That said, many people will want to be with her because of her beauty – in fact, many people may be unable to see anything else about her – but she will not be able to directly bring up this problem or talk to anyone about it.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, because I have a beautiful, intelligent and extremely accomplished friend who cheated on her boyfriend.  Many people have been very harsh on her about her infidelity, but I think she was giving up a lot more than her boyfriend because a lot more people wanted to sleep with her than sleep with him – perhaps he would find it just as difficult to be faithful if women were throwing themselves at him the same way.

What if, instead of cheating on him, she had married him?  Thirty years down the line, her beauty would begin to fade, but he might have been rich and successful and young women might start paying him more attention.  If he failed the same test she failed, he would have dumped her for a younger more attractive woman, but she would have lost thirty years of her life.

Thing is, when a beautiful young woman commits to a relationship, she takes on more risk than any other type of person.  An ugly woman knows she’s appreciated for her personality or something else which will probably last a lifetime (or at least until senility), and a man’s attractiveness is often based more in his success (i.e. things he’s likely to appreciate about himself also) than his appearance.  A beautiful woman could waste decades with someone who doesn’t even care about who she is.  Perhaps in that case we could blame her for her bad taste, but often the type of nice guys who appreciate women for their personalities won’t even be able to get to know her because so many superficial jerks are vying for her attention.

If you are a beautiful woman, I’d recommend spending some time with a bad haircut before you marry anyone.

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20 Responses to “What is it like to be a Beautiful Woman?”

  1. 1 gabrieloneverything

    The last line of your post is funny as crap. I almost lawled myself.

  2. 2 Radha Smith, MSW

    How absolutely true-to-life! Just sorry it took me so long to find it!

  3. 3 Mike

    This is just something ugly people say to make themselves feel better.

    jk

    Reel Big Fish Lyrics

    “There’s a little girl
    On my mind (little girl)
    All the time (little girl)
    There’s always one (little girl)
    Look what she’s done

    She makes me look at her thighs
    You know I don’t have to lie
    But why can’t I tell her
    You know she’s so beautiful
    But why do all girls think they’re fat?”

    And how bout pretty or not, don’t fuckin cheat? If you’re at the point in a relationship where you think you might cheat on someone, fuckin end it. Beauty is not a factor. Ulgy-ass rednecks of both sexes kill each other all the time over cheating trailer trash.

    What’s it like to be beautiful? Well if you are the rare breed of female who is the tripple threat of smart, confident, AND gorgeous I’d be life would be pretty awesome. You could get what you wanted for less work than others, OR when that fails you’ve got your brains, you’ve got plenty of ppl who want to be your friends while at the same time the intelligence to remain vigilant and weed out the jerks (I can see how that can become tiresome but boo-hoo the benefits outweigh the work)… I don’t think loneliness would be the most common issue.

    On a side note a double threat of any of the above characteristics is going to take you pretty far even when lacking in the 3rd area.

  4. 4 Bry

    “From what I’ve seen, someone feels loved when another person appreciates all the things that they value about themselves.”

    Exactly my feelings on the matter as well, and it functions well as the foundation for your analysis of the difficulties facing beautiful women.

    You assume in your discussion that beautiful women do not particularly value their own beauty–in part because beauty is a function of age (among many other things)–yet there must surely be some women out there who do view their beauty as defining of who they are, and something that makes them special, unique, all that jazz…or no? Would such a woman generally be happier than other beautiful women who define themselves by their intelligence, acting ability, and so on? Would such women be in worse shape because they feel compelled to maintain their beauty and will go to great lengths to do so (I’m thinking in particular of women who partake in cosmetic surgery, not just as “enhancement” but as a means to preserve their looks in the face of aging)?

    Finally, cheating because one is beautiful is a generally poor justification IMO without putting a relationship in context. If a man appreciated the things about his partner that she wanted to be appreciated for, and she cheated on him for other reasons–lack of sexual satisfaction, wanting to get it on with a hot guy, whatever–then her beauty is a relevant factor only in so far as she might be cashing in on it for personal gratification. Or will a man always be compelled to love a beautiful woman because of her beauty?

    Er, anyway, don’t mind me. I just happened to be surfing the net and got caught up in reading your thoughtful analyses on various relationship topics. :)

  5. 5 Marissa

    You’ve missed one important aspect of being a beautiful woman. Beautiful women are often abused as little girls. They are pretty and perverts flock to them. They are the girls that get seduced by the young athletic coach in high school. The girls who Daddy’s best friend wants to fondle. Men want them for their beauty, but become so blinded by it that they neglect everything else about them. A beautiful woman makes a man suspicious, jealous and insecure. Being beautiful DOES have it’s advantages. There were times that I knew that I got a job because I was better looking that the other girl sitting in the waiting area. I’ve never paid a speeding ticket. Never. The one ticket I ever got for another moving violation was dismissed by the judge I stood before. He found me attractive. It was obvious.

    But the downside is that I was abused (emotionally, sexually and physically) by MANY men as a child and young adult. I was beautiful, but that lead to pain. I never felt secure when I liked a guy. I never felt he truly liked me for who I was inside. I came to feel like all men wanted me for were my looks. It lead to bulimia and other psychological issues. I remember one therapist saying to me….but your so beautiful…..Geez!!

    So now I just turned 40. Im still attractive for my age. But I’ve come to love myself for who I am. I LOVE MYSELF. It took a long time to get to this place, but what I have found is that more people appreciate me for my talents and abilities now. I get respect.

    Maybe that just comes from age……but it sure feels good now to be truly BEAUTIFUL!

  6. 6 Steve

    One of the best articles I ever read on any blog, this is the first comment ive ever posted on any blog :)

    The article really made me think :)

  7. 7 Anonimus

    Beauty is powerfull and lonely sometimes even exusting.

  8. 8 stacia

    Beautiful is something all woman want to be….no one wants to wake up in every morning, look in the mirror, and scream because they thought they saw a monster. Marissa said it best. Beautiful women are often molested their entire childhood, and are raped several times during their teenage years. So later when we are adults we guard ourselves because men still continue to stare, make rude comments like “Hey Baby!!! I hope you like “them” big because I’m going to bust that thang wide open!” or even grab or slap our breasts or butt. Some men are more cool with it but still all women know that look. We don’t always want to here a guy say you’re pretty or beautiful because we know that’s really code for “Hey, can I f**k you?” And the thing is we get that every single day, everywhere we go.

    I came home this week and was complaining to my boyfriend about the men who just kept hitting on me, honking at me, etc and he told me that he doesn’t want to hear me complain about being beautiful because there are other women who are just ugly and there is nothing they can do about it. So from that converstation I personally believe that men just have no clue how we as women feel…so you can guess all you want but until you walked a day in our shoes you’ll never know. Being beautiful is a blessing but it is also a curse. So if you are average or even ugly be thankful.

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  10. 10 poo yee

    being ugly and beautiful is a curse lol .i am ugly in the past and i know how ppl treat me .everyone insulted .when i became pretty ,all those idiots came and disturb me .trying to get advantage from me .hurting me for rejecting him .da heck is this world ?!

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    due to this good article.

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